What Is Family Systems Therapy?
Family systems therapy views the family as an emotional unit where each member's behavior affects everyone else. Rather than focusing on "fixing" one person (often a child or teen), we look at:
Patterns - How does your family typically respond to conflict, stress, or change?
Roles - What role does each person play (peacemaker, rebel, caretaker, etc.)?
Communication - How do family members express needs, feelings, and boundaries?
Multigenerational patterns - What patterns were passed down from previous generations?
Boundaries - Are relationships too enmeshed or too distant?
The goal is to shift unhelpful patterns so the entire family system becomes healthier and more supportive for everyone.
Understanding Your Family as a System
When one family member is struggling, it's rarely just about that individual. Family systems therapy recognizes that families operate as interconnected systems—when one part of the system shifts, everything else adjusts in response.
Family Systems Therapy in Lafayette, CA
How Family Systems Therapy Works in My Practice
As a marriage and family therapist, family systems thinking is the foundation of my work. Whether I'm seeing an entire family, a couple, or an individual, I'm always considering the larger system.
When Working with Families
We meet together to:
Identify patterns that aren't serving the family
Improve communication and understanding
Shift unhelpful roles and dynamics
Address specific challenges (behavior issues, conflict, transitions)
Build stronger connections and healthier boundaries
When Working with Individuals
Even in individual therapy, we consider:
How your current family system affects you
Patterns from your family of origin
Your role in your family and whether it fits who you are
How changes in you will ripple through your system
When Working with Couples
We explore:
How your family-of-origin patterns show up in your relationship
Communication and conflict styles
The system you're creating together
How to parent as a team
Who Benefits from Family Systems Therapy?
Blended Families
Blended families face unique challenges:
Navigating different parenting styles and family cultures
Building relationships between step-parents and step-children
Managing loyalty conflicts
Creating new family rituals and identity
Dealing with ex-partners and co-parenting
Family systems therapy helps blended families create a cohesive unit while respecting existing bonds.
Families with Struggling Teens or Children
When a child or teen is having difficulties, family therapy helps:
Understand what the behavior is communicating about the family system
Shift patterns that may be contributing to the struggle
Improve parent-teen communication
Help siblings understand their role
Create sustainable change that goes beyond behavior management
Rather than labeling one family member as "the problem," we explore how everyone can contribute to solutions.
Families in Transition
Major life changes affect the whole family system:
Divorce or separation
A parent's career change or job loss
Moving to a new area
Serious illness or loss
Children leaving for college
Family therapy helps everyone navigate these transitions and reorganize the family system in healthy ways.
Parenting Conflicts
When parents disagree about parenting, the entire family feels it. Family systems therapy helps:
Understand how each parent's upbringing influences their approach
Find common ground and unified strategies
Recognize patterns of pursuing/distancing
Create a parenting partnership
Stop children from being caught in the middle
Multigenerational Patterns
Sometimes the patterns causing pain have been passed down through generations:
"We've always been anxious in this family"
Relationship patterns that repeat
Difficulty with emotional expression
Roles that get assigned without choice
Family systems therapy helps you understand and interrupt these patterns so they don't continue to the next generation.
Family systems therapy helps you understand and interrupt these patterns so they don't continue to the next generation.
Core Concepts in Family Systems Therapy
Triangulation
When two people are in conflict, they often pull in a third person (often a child) to stabilize the relationship. We work to recognize and stop triangulation.
Differentiation
The ability to be yourself within close relationships—staying connected while maintaining your own identity and values.
Homeostasis
Families tend to resist change, even when change would be helpful. We explore why the current pattern persists and how to support healthy shifts.
Circular Causality
Rather than linear blame ("you did X, so I did Y"), we look at circular patterns where everyone's behavior influences everyone else's.
My Approach: Drama Therapy Meets Family Systems
My background in drama therapy enriches family systems work by:
Making patterns visible through experiential exercises
Exploring roles in concrete, tangible ways
Practicing new interactions in the safety of the therapy space
Engaging children and teens who connect better through action than discussion
Creating metaphors that help families understand their dynamics
This creative, embodied approach makes family therapy feel less like sitting in a room talking and more like actively discovering new ways of being together.
Family Systems Therapy Online: Does It Work?
Absolutely. Online family therapy offers unique advantages:
Comfort of home - Families are in their natural environment
Easier scheduling - No commute means more scheduling flexibility
Geographic flexibility - Serves families throughout California
Privacy - No waiting room awkwardness
Some families even find that being on separate screens initially helps members speak more openly. I use engaging online techniques to keep everyone involved.
What to Expect
in Family Systems Therapy
Initial Sessions
We'll discuss:
What brings you to therapy
Each person's perspective on the family
Current patterns and dynamics
What you hope will change
Ongoing Work
Sessions typically include:
Identifying and discussing patterns
Improving communication skills
Addressing specific conflicts or challenges
Practicing new ways of interacting
Homework to reinforce changes between sessions
Who Attends?
This varies based on your situation:
Sometimes the whole family
Sometimes parents alone
Sometimes parents and one child
Sometimes rotating who attends
I'll recommend the best configuration for your family's needs.
Family Systems Therapy Integrated with Other Approaches
I often combine family systems therapy with:
Internal Family Systems (IFS) - Understanding individual family members' internal parts
Somatic therapy - Helping families regulate together
Mindfulness - Teaching the whole family grounding techniques
CBT - Adding specific skills for anxiety, depression, or behavior
This integration addresses both individual and relational healing.
Common Questions About
Family Systems Therapy
Why Choose Family Systems Therapy in Lafayette?
Lafayette and Walnut Creek families often face specific pressures:
High academic expectations
Busy schedules pulling family members in different directions
Dual-career households navigating work-family balance
Parenting in a competitive, achievement-focused culture
Supporting teens through intense school pressure
Family systems therapy helps you create the family culture you want, not the one that's been imposed by external pressures or inherited patterns.
Getting Started with Family Systems Therapy
Whether you're dealing with a specific crisis or just want to improve family dynamics, family systems therapy offers a path forward that respects everyone's experience and creates lasting change.
I offer a free 30-minute consultation where we can discuss:
Your family's unique situation
Whether family therapy is the right approach
Who should attend sessions
What to expect in our work together
Practical details about online family therapy
Ready to strengthen your family system? Contact me to schedule your free consultation.
Offering family systems therapy online for families in Lafayette, Walnut Creek, Orinda, Moraga, and throughout California.
Related Services
Parenting Therapy - Support for parents navigating challenges
Teen Therapy - Individual support within a family context
Child Therapy - Helping children and their families
Couples Therapy - The couple system within the family
Divorce Therapy - Restructuring the family system
Other Approaches
Internal Family Systems (IFS) - Understanding inner parts
Somatic Therapy - Body-based family attunement
Mindfulness-Based Therapy - Present-moment awareness for families