But I Hate My Body! How Could I Possibly Trust Its Wisdom??!

A Guide to Somatic Therapy for Teens Struggling with Body Shame

Okay, so hear me out. I know what you're thinking: "Trust my body? Are you kidding? My body is literally the problem right now."

I get it. When you're dealing with body dysphoria, body shame, or just really struggling with how you look or feel in your own skin, the idea that your body might actually have something useful to tell you sounds... well, ridiculous. Maybe even insulting.

But stick with me here, because what I'm about to share might change how you think about your body, your feelings, and especially that mean voice in your head that tells you you're not enough.

Meet the Sneaky Thief Who's Been Robbing You

Imagine this: There's a thief who's been pulling off the perfect heist. Picture them in a classic black-and-white striped suit, tip-toeing around at night, stealing something incredibly valuable from you.

But here's the twist — this thief doesn't want your phone or your money. This thief is stealing something way more important: your ability to hear what your body is trying to tell you.

This thief has a name: Shame.

And shame is really, really good at its job.

How Shame Pulls Off the Heist

Shame shows up acting like a friend. It whispers things like:

• "I'm just protecting you from other people judging you"

• "If you judge yourself first, it won't hurt as much when others do"

• "I'm keeping you safe by pointing out everything that's wrong with you"

Sounds helpful, right? Wrong.

Shame is what we call a "frenemy" — it pretends to be on your side, but it's actually working against you. While shame claims it's protecting you, what it's really doing is stealing your connection to one of your greatest allies: your body's wisdom.

Wait... My Body Has Wisdom?

Yes. Absolutely yes.

Your body is constantly sending you messages through sensations and feelings:

• That tight feeling in your chest when something feels off

• The butterflies in your stomach when you're excited or nervous

• The heaviness when you're sad

• The tension in your shoulders when you're stressed

• The warmth when you feel safe and happy

These aren't random. They're your body's way of communicating with you — like text messages from your most loyal friend. Your body is trying to tell you:

• When something isn't safe

• When you need rest

• When you're hungry (for food, connection, or something else)

• When something feels right

• When you need to pay attention

But here's the problem: Shame disconnects you from these messages.

When shame is running the show, it's like someone turned the volume way down on your body's signals. Or worse, it's taught you that those signals are the enemy.

The Body's Language: Thoughts, Feelings, and Sensations

Let's break this down because…

Understanding the difference between these three things is kind of like getting a superpower.

Sensations = What you feel physically in your body

• Examples: tight chest, racing heart, heat in your face, butterflies, muscle tension, tingling

Feelings = Your emotions

• Examples: scared, angry, sad, happy, ashamed, excited, overwhelmed

Thoughts = The stories your mind tells

• Examples: "I'm not enough," "Everyone's looking at me," "I'll never be good enough," "I'm so stupid"

Here's what's wild: these three things are constantly talking to each other and influencing each other.

A thought like "I look terrible" can create feelings of shame and sadness, which create sensations like heaviness in your chest or the urge to hide.

But it can also work the other way: A sensation (like your heart racing) might trigger a feeling (anxiety), which your mind then creates a thought about ("Something's wrong with me").

The key is learning to notice which is which. When you can tell the difference, you get to make choices instead of just reacting automatically.

Shame: What It Actually Looks Like

Researcher Brené Brown has spent decades studying shame, and she's found that shame shows up in really specific ways. Learning to spot shame when it's happening is like being able to see that sneaky thief in action.

Physical signs of shame:

• Racing heart

• Heat in your face or neck

• Wanting to hide, disappear, or make yourself smaller

• Stomach dropping

• Feeling frozen or stuck

Mental signs of shame:

• Thoughts like "I'm stupid," "I don't belong," "I'm not enough," "There's something wrong with me"

• Comparing yourself to everyone else

• Replaying embarrassing moments over and over

Emotional signs of shame:

• Suddenly wanting to shut down or disconnect

• Feeling defensive or wanting to lash out

• The urge to run away or avoid

• Feeling exposed or like you've been "found out"

Sound familiar? That's shame doing its thing.

The Magic Question That Changes Everything

Brené Brown teaches people to ask themselves one powerful question when shame shows up:

"What's the story I'm telling myself right now?"

This question is like hitting pause on a movie. It interrupts shame's automatic control and helps you see the narrative underneath.

For example:

• Story: "I'm disgusting and everyone can see it"

• Story: "My body betrayed me and I can't trust it"

• Story: "I'll never be good enough"

• Story: "If people really knew me, they'd reject me"

These stories usually aren't true. They're old fears — often about not being worthy or belonging — that shame uses to keep you disconnected from yourself and others.

Building Your Shame Detective Skills (Also Known as "Shame Resilience")

The goal isn't to get rid of shame completely. That's impossible — we're human, and shame is part of the human experience. But you can change your relationship with shame. You can learn to recognize it, understand it, and not let it run your life.

Here's how:

Step 1: Name It

When you notice those shame signs, say it out loud or in your head: "I'm feeling shame right now."

Just naming the feeling does something really cool to your brain. It activates the part that helps you think clearly and regulates your emotions. It's like turning on a light in a dark room.

Step 2: Get Curious About Your Body

Notice where shame lives in your body. Where do you feel it? Your chest? Your stomach? Your throat? Your face?

You don't have to make it go away. Just notice it. Be curious about it, like you're a scientist observing something interesting.

Try this: Take a slow breath and ask yourself, "Where am I feeling this in my body right now?"

Step 3: Talk About It (With the Right Person)

This is huge. Brené Brown says: "Shame cannot survive being spoken and met with empathy."

Shame wants you to stay silent and hide. But when you share what you're feeling with someone who responds with understanding — not judgment — shame loses its power.

This might be:

• A therapist

• A trusted friend

• A family member who gets it

• A support group

The key is choosing someone who has "earned the right" to hear your story — someone who's shown they can handle it with care.

Introducing: Mindfulness (AKA Your Secret Weapon)

Mindfulness sounds kind of fancy or maybe boring, but it's actually pretty simple and super powerful.

Mindfulness = Paying attention to what's happening right now — your thoughts, feelings, and sensations — without judging them.

It's like being a friendly observer of your own experience. Instead of being in the chaos, you step back slightly and notice it.

Why does this matter? Because noticing creates space, and space creates choice.

When you can notice "Oh, I'm having the thought that I'm not good enough" instead of just believing it automatically, you have power. You can pause. You can choose what to do next instead of just reacting.

The Pause That Changes Things

There's this idea from a therapist named Deb Dana that's really helpful: Your nervous system (the part of you that handles stress and safety) is constantly picking up signals and starting automatic responses. Like when you feel threatened, your body might automatically want to fight, run away, or freeze.

But here's the best part: You can develop the ability to notice, pause, and choose your response.

Yeah, the automatic stuff will still happen — that's your body trying to protect you. But you can learn to:

1. Notice what's happening ("My heart is racing, I'm feeling shame")

2. Pause (take a breath, create some space)

3. Choose how you want to respond (instead of just reacting automatically)

This is what builds distress tolerance — your ability to handle uncomfortable feelings without making things worse. It's like building a muscle. The more you practice noticing, pausing, and choosing, the stronger you get. It’s like working out that helps you build emotional muscle!

Creating a New Story: The Character of Shame

Remember that thief I mentioned? Here's where things get creative and kind of fun.

I want you to imagine shame as an actual character — like a villain in a story. Give it a name. What does it look like? What does it say? How does it move?

Maybe your shame character is:

• A shadowy figure that whispers mean things

• A judge with a gavel who constantly criticizes

• A thief in a striped suit who steals your confidence

• A monster that makes you want to hide

Get specific. Draw it if you want. Write about it. Make it real and separate from you.

Here's why this matters: When you turn shame into a character, you're doing something really powerful — you're making it something that happens TO you, not something that IS you.

Shame is not who you are. It's a feeling that shows up. It's a voice that talks. But it's not the truth of you.

Writing Shame's Story (And Changing the Ending)

Now, write the story of how this shame character operates:

• How did it first show up in your life?

• What does it tell you about your body?

• What is it trying to steal from you?

• How does it try to convince you it's helping?

Then — and this is the important part — write what happens when you catch it in the act

What happens when you:

• Call out the thief?

• Refuse to believe the lies?

• Kick shame out of the driver's seat?

• Choose to listen to your body's wisdom instead?

You're not getting rid of shame (remember, that's impossible). But you're changing its role in your story. Instead of shame being the main character, you become the main character. Shame becomes that annoying side character who shows up sometimes but doesn't get to control the plot anymore.

Turning Toward Fear (Instead of Running Away)

Here's something that might sound weird: The way through difficult feelings is actually through them, not around them.

When you feel shame, fear, or discomfort about your body, your first instinct might be to:

• Distract yourself

• Avoid mirrors

• Stay home

• Numb out with your phone or food or whatever

That's totally normal. But here's the thing: avoiding actually makes the fear bigger. It's like feeding the shame monster.

Leaning in is more powerful than avoiding

Leaning in means:

• Noticing the feeling instead of pushing it away

• Getting curious about it

• Staying present with it (even though it's uncomfortable)

• Trusting that you can handle it

When you lean in, you build resilience. You prove to yourself that feelings — even really hard ones — won't destroy you. They'll pass. And you're stronger than you think.

Your Body: From Enemy to Ally

So we've talked about the thief (shame) that's been stealing your connection to your body. Now let's talk about what you're getting back when you reclaim that connection.

Your body is giving you information all the time:

• Discomfort that says "something's not right here"

• Fear that says "pay attention"

• Hunger that says "I need nourishment" (and not just food — also connection, rest, joy)

• Tension that says "I'm holding onto something"

• Exhaustion that says "I need to slow down"

These aren't enemies. They're messages. They're your body trying to take care of you.

When you start listening to your body instead of fighting it, something shifts. You begin to work with yourself instead of against yourself.

A Note on Radical Self-Love

Writer Sonya Renee Taylor talks about radical self-love — the idea that your body is not something to apologize for. Not now, not ever.

This doesn't mean you have to love every part of your body every day. That's unrealistic. But it does mean recognizing that your body is not the problem. The messages you've received about your body — from social media, from people around you, from that shame thief — those are the problem.

Your body is doing its best. It's carrying you through life. It's sending you signals to help you. It deserves respect, even when you're struggling to like it.

Practical Things You Can Try Right Now

1. The Body Scan Check-In

   • Pause and notice: What am I feeling in my body right now?

   • Start at your head and move down to your toes

   • No judgment, just noticing

2. Name That Feeling

   • When something feels off, pause and name it: "I'm feeling shame" or "I'm feeling anxious" or "I'm feeling sad"

   • Bonus points for noticing where in your body you feel it

3. The Pause Practice

   • When you notice shame or distress, try this: Notice → Breathe → Choose

   • Even a 5-second pause can change everything

4. Write to Your Shame Character

   • Create your shame villain

   • Write what it says to you

   • Write back to it: "Thanks for trying to protect me, but you're not helping. I'm in charge now."

5. The Magic Question

   • When shame hits, ask: "What's the story I'm telling myself right now?"

   • Write it down

   • Ask: "Is this story true? Or is this shame talking?"

6. Find Your People

   • Share something you're struggling with to someone safe

   • Notice how shame loses power when it's spoken out loud

7. Welcome Imperfection

   • Practice saying: "I'm allowed to be imperfect. I'm human."

   • Notice when you're expecting yourself to be perfect, and challenge that

The Bottom Line

Your body is not your enemy, even when it feels like it is. Shame is the real thief here — stealing your ability to hear what your body is trying to tell you.

But you have power. You have choices. You can:

• Notice when shame shows up

• Name it for what it is

• Create distance from it

• Listen to your body's wisdom instead

• Build distress tolerance

• Change your relationship with shame

• Rewrite the story you're telling yourself

This isn't easy work. It takes practice. You'll mess up. Shame will still show up (probably often). But each time you notice it, pause, and choose differently, you're building strength.

Kicking shame out of the driver's seat

You're learning to trust the signals your body sends. You're kicking shame out of the driver's seat. You're becoming the author of your own story.

And that body you're struggling with? It's actually on your side. It always has been.

If you're struggling with body dysphoria or shame around your body, you don't have to figure this out alone. Therapy — especially somatic therapy, which focuses on the connection between body and mind — can help you build these skills and reclaim your relationship with yourself.

About the Author:

With over 25 years of experience working with teens and families and a background in somatic, narrative, and drama therapy — I am uniquely skilled at helping young people reconnect with their bodies and rewrite the stories shame has been telling them. I've dedicated my career to creating a space where teens feel seen, heard, and empowered to trust themselves again. My approach combines the wisdom of the body with the power of storytelling, helping teens externalize shame, build resilience, and reclaim their sense of self. If you're ready to start this journey, I'd be honored to support you.

Ready to start your journey? Reach out to explore how therapy can support you in trusting your body's wisdom and building shame resilience.

Julie Weigel, LMFT, has 25 years of experience providing therapy to children, adolescents, and families in the Bay Area and throughout California. 

Her therapy practice, although local to Lafayette and Walnut Creek, is conveniently online and available to clients throughout California by secure telehealth in the evenings. To learn more or schedule a consultation, call today.